Thoughts From A Global Guy: Racism

Racism is ugly and can ruin friendships for life. Have you been there? I have. I am going to change the names  and locations just to keep it neutral [at least]. I was interested in this political organization while I was away at University. I sent a message expressing great interest and after that, it was good from there.  Her name was Alison and her boyfriend James. As the months progressed, I was  introduced to several other individuals, but they faded into the background except for a few. During the summer and school year,  I was around James and Alicia quite a bit because I really liked hanging around them. A few years later, it all began to change.  James started to hang out with this guy by the name of Shane. During that debacle, I was noticing James slowly changing and becoming a puppet if you will.  In short, he was trying to "Keep up with the Jones"... The kid made a few racial slurs that merited a punch in the face. I stopped talking to the kid and it bothered me that James was still friends with him and on top of that his gf did not like him either...So, why be friends with a racist anti-Semitic dog like him?  During all of this, I was at his beck and call, more of his assistant at times than his friend. Where he was, I was usually around him. I did not see any of the signs until one friend in particular warned me, but I did not see it.  

The more I was around him, I was seeing a different him. Most of the times, it seem like it was all about him and what he can get from the situation. Additionally, I invited him and his gf to my house and he was so stunned to see how I lived.. I did not see what the big deal was because it is not that serious. At the time, I was not catching on and I think he became more, insecure about himself because I have been to his house several times and, it was not, remotely HGTV.  The living situation was dynamic from mine, but I never talk about that type of stuff because it is not important to me. From that point on, he saw me differently and used it against me at times.  Our family cat died in Feb of last year and it was such a low blow. I personally had a hard time with it and a few months later,she was on my mind. I thought I can talk to him about it figuring he would understand. He did not. I will never forget what he said-downplaying it and not really understanding it. In a nutshell, he told me people would find me weird if I cannot get over that. He pretty much brushed it off and just gave me his "sob" story and acted like mine was not important. He had the nerves to mention how I live and how my family is dynamic from his when that was not the topic of conversation.  That bothered me for a while. At the time, I did not see it. He even compared me to his cousins regarding how they lost a pet and they got over it. Would a true friend even do such a thing? NO.  I hung out with his family along with is gf's family over the summer and that was a turning point in the friendship. While I was around James, he will always try to pretend to be something that he is not and that is a rich kid. The irony in the situation is that he tries so hard to be "cool" by dissing me and what I like and compensates his shortcomings by making snide jokes.  I always acted the same while he will have to put up a front and I was noticing that. When I will say I want to do something that is in regards to my career field, it was nothing positive-no type of encouragement. It was like some type of competition and James became so self absorbed at times. Before the summer, the campus had this SGA thing and he will always say stuff like, "On this campus, I will say, I am one of the few students who made a difference"..blah blah blah..And, just to set the record straight, what he did was on a small scale. The thing with him is that, he will turn a piece of paper into a book that made the New York Times bestseller's list.  Simply he is all talk, but does not live up to what he says..It falls flat. 

James made several racial comments to me and I was still friends with him. Why? I did not have to do that to myself. If I was any other black guy, he would have a black eye.  He will always justify it with an "I'm sorry, I was kidding" response and does it again.  He felt it was funny that my last name came from a slave, dropped the N word and has called me a pampered African American  young man. He made a reference saying that the classical [artists] (as he puts it) thought blacks were subhuman? Now, why would he even say that? It was rude and just ridiculous. No one says stuff like that out of the blue. That was the final straw. I gave him chance after chance thinking he has changed. Wrong. I dropped James April 8 Sunday and did not care. When I look back, he was not a good friend.  A friend does not treat a friend like that. What sucked is that I had a long history with him and to make it worse, I even called him my brother.  But, I had to look out for my own well being and not his. What sucks is that, I have not talked to Alicia since that day. It seems that, she loses friends because of him. Can you say liability? Yes.  James is jealous because of how I live and he is jealous of my family and he could not stand it.  Knowing James, he will not tell the story-but some made up lies because he is NOT man enough to admit he was dead wrong. And, it is 100% his fault. No one told him to say stuff like that. Ultimately, he did not respect me as an individual. 

The experience along with others, have altered my views about, some people [as you can say] and I am leery to open up because of those events. I get angry at times and wished I saw it for what it really was. I wish I took my friends warning. My other brother Kareem, did not like James either, but he was afraid to tell me. And, I still became friends with him after the slave comment. Total idiotic move on my part.  After coming to my senses,  I told him that I will never talk to him again. Sadly, Alicia will have to suffer.  I told my other brother Ryan about this because I can tell him anything and he respects me for who I am.  Racism is ugly and it can ruin friendships for life and this is a testament to that fact.  Be careful of who you call your friends because they can be the very individuals who can betray you on every level.